| We are raised with notions that “love” has something to do
with how we express ourselves toward others.
We think that when we love someone, we will compromise and make them
feel better and will sacrifice ourselves and do anything for the object of our
adoration. While this is true to a
point, it is backwards. You can not love
another until you fully embrace yourself.
The notion that you must cater to the needs of others in the
name of love creates internal conflict and it is really the furthest thing from
love. We are taught that we must strive
to be good but that implies that we are inherently bad or that there is
something we must achieve or do in order to be good and loved. We set ourselves up for lives of unhappiness
and Self-sacrifice feeling that love comes from an external source and to
attain it, we must cater to the perceived needs of others.
When we can embrace the totality of who we are, and embrace
all of our moods and all of what we are, whether we like the characteristics or
not, we then allow ourselves to be Self-loving.
You can’t help whether you feel anger or love in any moment, and you
can’t control other people and their perceptions. All you can do is surrender control and
accept yourself and what you feel in any given moment, whether that feeling is
of wanting to kiss someone or whether you want to kick them. You don’t have to act on it, you merely need
to accept that you feel it and once you accept it, then you can change it if
you desire. You can’t change something
you are unwilling to see.
When you can accept your feelings in any given moment, you
will eventually find that you are happy to be you and can remain steadfastly
true to yourself by honoring your feelings.
When you can be true to yourself and other people’s opinions hold no
power over you, then you can truly love without condition. You find that your approval and acceptance is
the only validation you need and little by little, your attachments to how
other people respond to you melt away.
You find that it makes no difference whether your love is reciprocated;
you love because you feel love for yourself and nobody can take that away from
you. You find that it feels wonderful to
share yourself and your love with whoever will receive it, in whatever form it
shows up; whether it is helping a stranger with groceries or being present with
your kids or giving yourself over to your lover fully and completely.
When you release the need for external approval, you find
your own validation and approval is the only one you need. You find that your love is expressed in
everything you do and you free yourself to be completely and steadfastly true
to yourself. You also find that in
loving yourself, you can’t help but love every aspect of your life because you
see and express your own Love of Self in everything you do.
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